Day(I’ve utterly lost count) on psilocybin: Reflections on Self Sabotage

Current time: 1am

Mood: Staring out at the starless Toronto night sky

The thing about self sabotage is, in the moment you are doing it, you think you are protecting yourself, but all you are doing is creating conditions that reaffirm your fears.

As an over thinker(Virgo problems) for a long time, my brain’s default mode has always been about anticipating the worst case scenario in situations, especially when it comes to relationships. And no, this isn’t just one scenario we are talking about, my mind comes up with all the many many possible ways a relationship could go wrong. Intuitively, I am usually trying to brace myself and valiantly create an illusion of preparedness ‘just in case’ these situations arise. And that’s all it is, an illusion.

When the mind is constantly in this state, it becomes hyper aware, and starts looking for proof of the relationship going south. Nothing is ever perfect and if you look for flaws you will always find them. So my brain always finds a flaw, and this flaw disproportionately and unnecessarily ends up reaffirming what my fear is: the relationship ending. So what do I do? In a state of fight or flight, I self sabotage and push away the person I am in a relationship with, in order to avoid this pain that I anticipate will come. However, me walking away is what actually ends the relationship, and not the flaws themselves. How darkly ironic.

Now I know what you’re thinking: This girl needs therapy…yes yes I understand just how unhealthy this mindset can be. Shifting my mindset from a state of hyper awareness and hyper criticism to a state of letting the chips fall where they may has been one of the hardest lessons I have tried implementing in my day to day life. These things take time for sure, but in the short amount of time I have shifted my awareness, I have noticed considerable changes in how I perceive difficulties and setbacks. Present awareness has allowed me to deal with things/life situations as they come in real time, then letting them go when that time has passed.

And at the end of the night, when I am winding down after a day full of dealing with life’s debauchery, I put everything and everyone back down where I found them. I am then left with mental space without the noise or influence of outside energy/made up scenarios. Underneath all this there is a lingering sense of peace, as I let the thoughts be just that, thoughts.

There is something inherently beautiful about embracing uncertainty despite being aware that things could go wrong. Let life surprise you.

Presently yours,

Vi.

Light Cafe

Happy 2017 everyone! Hope this new year has been treating you all well so far. One of my goals this year was to to go out and explore Toronto more, as much as I can in the little time that I have left. So me and a friend of mine decided to brave the minus degree weather(actually ridiculous) and go out to one of the most popular go-to places for food and coffee. The place was too cute not to take some shots for you guys.

Being an avid tea drinker, the first thing I wanted to try on their menu was the Chamomile Herbal Tea with Fruit. This warms you right up and makes you feel all fuzzy on the inside.

A moment of silence for this being the best sandwich I’ve ever had.

We obviously had to try out the dessert and we went for the Creme Brulee Three Ways. This had earl grey, white chocolate and coffee.

Overall, this restaurant is definitely worth adding to your list of places to try in Toronto. Until next time!

Easy Breakfast Crepes

Hello everyone! So I woke up on this wonderful Tuesday afternoon(Yes I said afternoon), and had a sudden urge to make crepes. Making food from scratch obviously takes time ANDD effort, so I was glad to have this recipe on hand. It’s about a five minute prep time and only 20 minutes max to cook all the crepes. This recipe made 8  medium crepes but it can vary depending on the size. The other awesome thing about this recipe is that you can swap ingredients without messing it up. For example, honey/ agave nectar for sugar or almond/coconut milk for normal milk.

Ingredients:

1Tbsp butter
2 Eggs
1 Cup whole wheat flour
1Tbsp sugar
1/2 tsp salt
11/2 Cups milk

Instructions:

1. Melt the butter by putting in the microwave for 20-30 seconds. Use a whisk or a spoon to mix up the butter in a separate bowl.
2. Add in the rest of the ingredients.
3. TAKE OUT A PAN AND COOK THEM CREPES

And that’s all you have to do! Easy right? The crepes can be eaten plain, or you can add any fillings you want. Some suggestions are maple syrup, greek yogurt, fruit, peanut butter, or just plain old butter.

Until next time!

Pineapple Boat Smoothie

Hello loves! Hope you’re all having a wonderful Friday afternoon. One of my favourite things about summer is making smoothies and enjoying them while basking out in the sun. Not only are smoothies healthy, they are also pretty fun to make. I’m always looking for new and different recipes and I happened to see this fun pineapple smoothie one. Not going to lie, it took a bit of effort, but it was all worth it in the end. To get started, gather whatever fruit and/or vegetables you prefer in your smoothies. You also need a pineapple and a blender. Personally, I added in greek yoghurt because it improves the consistency of the smoothie. It’s definitely optional, if you’re aiming for a dairy free approach. The first step is the hardest and it will take some time, because you need to cut the top of the pineapple and remove all the insides.(That sounds horrible I’m sorry)  This next step is pretty easy, blend the rest of the ingredients. You can also add in some ice, if you prefer. Finally, all you have to do is pour in the smoothie into the empty pineapple shell thing? Viola, you got yourself a pineapple boat smoothie! Any questions, suggestions or concerns, leave them in the comment section below. Until next time!

Foodie Fruitie 原味

Whenever I meet up with friends or loved ones, one thing is for sure: we will definitely indulge in some sort of meal, whether it’s home cooked meals or going to restaurants. Food is one thing that will always manage to  bring people together. Going out to eat tends to be my favourite, just because you get the chance to experience new foods and atmospheres.

 Today, after arguing for about 20 minutes about where we should eat(we’ve all done it come on), we decided to go to Foodie Fruitie. If you are looking for an affordable meal that’s aesthetically pleasing and that tastes amazing, i would highly recommend checking it out!